Traveling makes my soul come alive.

And throughout my travels I began to write. I never enjoyed writing in school, but there is something about piecing things together through words that allows me to connect more with life. With myself. And those around me.

So I guess you could say writing makes my soul come alive as well.

But I haven’t been traveling in a while.

Therefore, I haven’t written in a while.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have any revelations or stories to tell. It just may not look as glamorous as pictures with elephants in Thailand or llamas in Chile. And that’s okay.

I want to feel alive. I want to be able to feel all of the emotions and connect not only with myself but the world around me.

Big excitements have led to big disappointments in the past. So I slowly turned off my ability to get excited. I am inching my way back to those feelings. And I am learning it is important to let feelings, all feelings, move through me.

Feelings are tricky.

I was talking to a friend about a specific feeling (a ‘good’ one) I dislike.

My friend looked at me and said, “Lindsay, you hate all feelings.”

I laugh whenever I think about that because it’s so true.

Actually, I don’t think I hate feelings. I think I hate the power that feelings can have over me. And that you can’t control them.

Waves of depression.

That new crush you can’t get out of your head.

Excitement about an adventure.

Grieving a loved one.

They’re up and down and really all over the place.

And they’re all happening at the same time.

We’re in the middle of a global pandemic. We’re not supposed to leave our houses, see our friends and loved ones and TJ Maxx is closed (on a grand scheme of things, this last one is very small but also relevant.)

A lot of people are drying. Death is a part of life. All the time; not just during this pandemic. Yet we are still alive. We have breath in our lungs and we are called to make the most of it.

Ecclesiastes 3 explains it perfectly:

“There is a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to breakdown, and a time to build up; a time to weep and a a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to castaway, a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.”

What about when it feels like it’s a time to both mourn and dance?

We are in a season of mourning a lot of things.

The ability to go to school.

Hug a friend. See your family.

Sit in a coffee shop.

Go to the movies.

Eat in a restaurant.

Worship at church.

Yet we are striving and finding joy in the small things.

Those long distance friends you finally have time to FaceTime.

More time to relax and spend time with your family.

Less pressure to be social. (to all those introverts out there, whoop)!

Time for that hobby you always wanted to learn but never had time for.

It’s been really cool to see people pursing and loving each other from afar. Even though it is such a weird and heavy time to be alive. We are fighting this together. We are mourning together and dancing together all in the same hour. And really that’s the beauty of life.

Brené Brown says, “We cannot selectively numb our emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”

I want to challenge you to intentionally feel the emotions of this time. Look around the grocery store. See the masks. But also see the people in front of you. We are all trying to survive in this pandemic.

Don’t turn off your emotions. When you do, you aren’t able to feel the beauty of life. At least not fully (take it from an enneagram nine who is a pro at stuffing those suckers).

Let yourself feel them. Don’t let them get stuck. Let them move through you and figure out what you need to do about it.

And it’s okay if you don’t know what to do about it. Or even if there isn’t anything to do about it. Don’t shame yourself for your feelings. They are valid. But don’t get stuck in them either.

Shame makes us stick our feelings in a closet. In the darkness. In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown talks about how important it is to bring things to the light. When you bring things to the light, the power that the darkness holds disappears and you are free of it.

So, bring your feelings to the light. Write about it. Tell a friend. Talk to a counselor. There’s no shame in it. It does have a grip on you when you hold it in though.

Let it out and move forward.

This is a long winded way of me saying, I’m back at it and excited to continue my writing journey from Atlanta, GA!!!

Thanks for reading!

Remember, you are fully known and fully loved.